All of us have people that we idolize and who we try to model our behavior after. Often times they are extremely confident and well put together individuals.
But what is really going on behind the scenes and in their minds.
One of the character traits that most of them have in common is that they are very emotionally intelligent. That is where their confidence and self-control stems from.
So lets break those traits down and see what makes our role models so emotionally savvy, and why it is so important that you have these traits as well!
Strong Inner Confidence
Self-confidence is a major facet of emotional intelligence. When you ask people what some of the most obvious features are of an emotionally stable person, the response that you get the most is always some form of strong inner confidence.
Essentially all what self confidence is, is the belief that you are capable of doing a certain task. So you might feel really confident in one situation, but not in another. Individuals are very rarely confident in 100% of the tasks they perform.
Gaining a healthy amount of self-confidence has numerous positive effects on both your mental and physical health. You are likely to persevere through adversity more often, and will lead a more successful life in general.
On the flip side however, low self-confidence brings along a myriad of other problems. Studies have shown that long term low confidence or having chronic low self-esteem are leading causes for mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Emotional Self-Awareness and Control
You simply cannot work on improving your emotional intelligence if you are not emotionally aware. You need to be able to recognize, understand and control all of the emotions that you are experiencing.
A majority of conflicts that people will experience in their life stems from someone not having full control over their emotions. They let their feelings take over from their logic, and this often ends in turmoil for themselves and the people they surround.
Someone who is emotionally intelligent, will have enough understanding of themselves that they are able to keep their cool in even the toughest of situations. They are also able to express their emotions in a way that positively affects themselves, and the people in their surroundings.
We have already written about ways to express your emotions in a healthy manner, make sure you read that article!
Being able to deal with new and unseen scenarios in a positive manner is a good indication of a high emotional intelligence. It also works in tandem with keeping your cool in these new situations. You should be confident and knowledgeable enough about dealing with the emotions of both yourself and those of others.
A good indication of having high adaptability is not being stopped by a sudden change. For example, are you able to keep your emotions in check when you have to do a presentation in front of a large audience? Are you able to keep your cool when you take on an important leadership task?
The best way to get good at being adaptable, is learning how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Put yourself out there and do new things you have never done before. The more you do this, the more methods you will learn on how to deal with something new.
This is also a great method for strengthening your inner confidence. After a certain time of trying so many new things and being in unnerving situations all the time, you will feel much more confident in everyday life. Simply because you know you will be fine if something stressful were to come up all of a sudden.
Adopting an optimistic mindset has shown to greatly influence your mental and even physical well-being. Research has even shown a decrease in depression in people who have learned to have a more optimistic outlook on life.
If you have a more favorable way of looking at the world, you are more likely to stay motivated in pursuit of your goals. You therefore have a greater chance to achieve them, which in turn will bring even more happiness into your life.
A perfect example of this is when we look at diets. A pessimist will start a diet with a negative mindset. They might not belief that diets work, then when they don’t see immediate results, they reaffirm their initial belief and stop the diet all together. An optimist is much more likely to look at all the positive things. They will be able to stay motivated for longer, and once they see the results, they will continue their diet to reach their goal!
Optimistic people are also known to cope with stress a lot better than others. It is hard for someone who is optimistic to get overwhelmed and discouraged by bad news. They will always try to see the positives in what they are doing. This is a great anti-stress method.
If you are under a lot emotional stress, consider reading our article on the best methods to get it under control as fast as possible!
Ability to Detect and Negate Negative Thoughts
Someone with high emotional intelligence will be able to detect any negative thought patterns emerging. What often happens is that we become entwined in this negative cycle, which will often put a strain on our anxiety and other mental health issues.
If you are an overthinker, this section will be very recognizable. A good example is when we worry about the things that we have no control over. When an emotionally intelligent individual catches themselves stressing over a situation that they have no control over, they simply let it go. They tell themselves, ” I have no control over this, therefore stressing about it is not productive”.
They realize that their time and energy is better spend elsewhere, and they wont fall into this viscous cycle of continuous worry about something they cannot have an effect on anyways.
If you are having trouble recognizing the rise of these negative thought patterns, write about your emotional experiences in a journal. As you write overtime, the patterns will become much clearer. Another method to figure out these destructive patters would be to just vent to a close friend or family member. Simply hearing yourself talk about your experiences might produce that light bulb moment where you learn how to see these patters coming.
Arguably one of the most important emotional intelligence traits to have is empathy. If you are able to put yourself in the shoes of others, you will come across as a much more attentive and caring person. Being empathic will be extremely helpful in building new and maintaining current relationships.
Simply understanding how someone else feels and reacts to certain situations can also become a learning experience for you. I can think of plenty examples in my life where I have modeled my behavior from how I thought someone else would have reacted.
Being empathic also means that you are adept at reading all kinds of non-verbal emotional cues. You should be able to accurately interpret the emotions of others simply by looking at their tone of voice, body posture and other cues.
This also transfers to social situations involving more than one other person beside yourself. You should be able to read to mood and emotional currents of a group of friends for example.
Increasing your emotional intelligence is something that can be achieved at all ages. It does take time, as with most things in life. This article was mainly about traits of those of us who have worked hard to be in full control over their emotions. You can find more articles on our site about ways to increase your emotional intelligence and awareness. In the future expect a lot more of these articles to be written. But in the mean time, I wish you all the best with your journey!